Breaking the law with the shadow boys.

Self loathing and guilt. Ashamed and disappointed. Afraid and tired. 

I am scared inside my head and have a regressed feeling of never escaping. 

The endless chase.  

RawData.com

Hello, my beloved and forever neglected friend. My mind is a black hole tonight and I have been told that I need to write more, so here I am. 

I am feeling odd, and know that writing here will only spark questions which defeated the purpose of this blog, but boredom has driven me here, and so I keen typing. 

This feeling is slowly regressing and taking me over, and it's got me in an implosive  state of mind.

I know I couldn't do it twice. 

Peter

I am great. Thank you for asking :)

Soverian

Each day, I feel a part of me leaving. I feel incomplete and a tad empty. It's a wholesome feeling because I know where I'm going. I know where I'm leaving too. A part of me is now a part of you.

Decisions.

Life is kicking off pretty well at the moment. :) I am planing a whole bunch of stuff with my life. I can't wait...

I love you.

Italian.

If ever there were a time to say that i have made it, undoubtably, now would be that time.

Ultrasoft

So she made it home, and I have never been happier. I saw her the day she flew in, for only about an hour, but it was the best hour of my entire holidays. I haven't stopped thinking about her and its not bothering me at all. Normally when something sticks in my mind, it tends to grow into a depressing obsession, but she is something else.

Composite

Can it be? After all this time.

1000 reasons why

Dear fucking Christ. The feeling of heartbreak and love lost for a woman I'm not committed too. She isn't even in the country and I can already feel the slow engulfing pain crawl over me like a black silk sheet sweeping the contours of my body. Turning the warmth of my chest to grey from the inside, out.

This is the ultimate, melancholy and distress. I want her and pine for her, only to know, one day I will clutch at the cave in which my heart resides, the damp, cold and hollow box where she lays.

Vector.

One day you're here, the next day you're not. Nothing changes, nothing at all.

"You deserve better". When has it ever been about what you deserve? Lies and cheating happen every day to you and everyone you know regardless of whether or not your deserve it. So honestly, why do you spend your time concerning yourself about it.

Nothing I love more than an honest girl. You are always welcome.

The.

Best.
Ever.

Vanilla overtones

Music. It's the harmonic projections of emotion ever experienced by any human being. Tone changer, mood setter. People are like music, and most people are just vanilla overtones. Plain old background noise.

Off the cuff.

Fire from the hip. Best tactic in life. Instinct and fear of loathing should be the closest and furthest from your mind.

Concur

Stupid walks on the beach and sharing straws in a cup.

Your daily intake.

The weather is warm enough for me to feel horrible about the world. Lack of sleep and the forever consistent desire for something new has brought me to my low once again. I know where I will be tomorrow, and I know where I will be in a weeks time. Sadly, that is my biggest fear in the world. Working for money is starting to take its toll, I want to work for something I enjoy. -sigh-

Waking up one fine morning and not finding it so fine.

pasture

There are worse things than being alone. it often takes decades to relies this, but by then its too late, and there is nothing worse than too late.

127129-2642

Find me.

Please note.

The world is a bleak and awful place to live. I have decided that the only assured thing in the horrible world is that you will get lied too, everything you love will undoubtably die and you will be left Alone to slowly rot into the ground.

Fore-seen

The only thing more terrifying then the thought of being alone for ever is the fact that I would be alone with nothing but my own mind to slowly eat away at my sanity. Just like regret; when you know you are going to regret something before you do it, it makes it that much worse when the feeling finally comes around and engulfs you, leaving you with nothing but a horrid taste lurking in your mouth.

Funny how it works like that.

What if your entire existences as a subconscious projection, the fabric of reality was all an individual construct of my own mind. Everything from my name to the laws of physics. In fact, there would be no point in even explaining this or write anything to anyone, because they don't exist unless I want them too. The entire existence if life as I know it would be all pointless and irrelevant.

It's a scary thought.

Fore-seen

The only thing more terrifying then the thought of being alone for ever is the fact that I would be alone with nothing but my own mind to slowly eat away at my sanity. Just like regret; when you know you are going to regret something before you do it, it makes it that much worse when the feeling finally comes around and engulfs you, leaving you with nothing but a horrid taste lurking in your mouth.

Funny how it works like that.

What if your entire existences as a subconscious projection, the fabric of reality was all an individual construct of my own mind. Everything from my name to the laws of physics. In fact, there would be no point in even explaining this or write anything to anyone, because they don't exist unless I want them too. The entire existence if life as I know it would be all pointless and irrelevant.

It's a scary thought.

The clutch

Holding on to everything I have left.. No choice but to have faith, simply because there is nothing else.

Decto

Listening to tame impala at 6 in the morning. Strangely euphoric.

Nothing worse.

What a wonderful day to come of age and once again be reminded of how many people feel the need to wish you a happy day simply because you survived another trip around the sun. Joy.

Life ends now

So much.

Heart attack on the one mile track.

Been a good weekend, blind as a bat and lost all my money. What else could you ask for ?

Mission impossible failed. What do you expect ? Haha.

I love you kitty.

And she said.

I'll fly you to the moon and back.

I am ready for you to come on done and let me know, I want you to hold me in your heart and promise to never let me go.

Chad.

Weekend fast approaching. Are you ready to party girls? I am #hashtag #takethepill

Bigger honest heart.

Once again. I don't know why I put myself through the painstaking thoughts of being alone. It's a flooding feeling you get, once and a while, and it consumes you like a plague.

I'll pass a kiss.

It's all in my head. Loneliness is all I ever know. And all I know is that it's killing me.

I wish my girlfriend looked like Meg Ryan.

You can only lean on people so much.

there is so much more then this, that i wanted.
come back to me, and find me. Man on a mission.

Kido.

Hello,

My god, things have picked up in the last few months, for all those who still keep in touch with this dead thread, its a pleasure to inform that i have slowly moved along with my life, there was a stage there for a while where it looked as tho my life was going to be the same old details and nothing ever was gong to change, but lucky for me i didn't stand to still in the water.

I am starting to have serious doubts on my ability to find myself a girl. I say that in the least pig-ish was possible. I don't want a "Pick-up" of a weekend. I want to be picked up, by my girlfriend, and taken home to bed where i can fall asleep.

:cry:

In other news, big weekend ahead and then a short while untill my 10 day holiday of hunting/fishing/camping and all round rough, outback, Aussie experience. Keen as a bean, being flicked by the Queen.

Choi.

This kiss means more then you're worth.

So there are a few things in my line of sight at the moment that are going to happening soon. Hopefully i will be leaving Coles and moving to a better job. :) also, i hopefully will be moving out of home come the later months of the year, :) I have friends moving away and friends moving to Albury... Which is good and bad. I find myself listing to more and more blues and enjoying the way that's its making me feel.

I enjoy being happy, and i am a happy person... Only when you're around.
My thoughts are getting the better of me recently and its not good, there are a few re-occurring ones that have me worried. One of which has a lot to do with my current relationship status... That you probably could of guessed, the others are just the result of too much time on my hands while working.

The aim is to be out and about by the end of October. That means we ( Myself and 3 mates ) have 8 months to set ourselves up. I think that it would be more then possible to be achieved before then. Being settled in a job and earning around 600 a week would be ideal. But on the other hand it's not just myself that i have to support. Its a very real goal, but its a long way off.

The other thing that i have been thinking about getting my greedy little hands on is a tattoo... and there are a few different ideas that i have in mind. One is the B-17 bomber on my rib cage. The other is a bass clef. I am still up in the air about the details but that's basically what i have in mind so far.

That's all i have to write...

Can't pass it up.

First things first... I need a new job... full time and interesting.. something to keep me on the go.. other then coles. Second.. i need to move out and make a step in my life, i'm of age and should be acting like it. Thirdly woman.. ARGH! fuck life.

Those heals.

Its time to move on, forget things and keep one foot infront of the other. Its good to know that i can let it go.
Bring out the guns, bitch.

Bite the hand.

I can feel the bass and its making my nerves bleed.

Fuck, yeah.

suicidal dream. 

The Heist.

Hey, so its been almost a month-ish since my last post, and for good reason. work and holidays take time.
And it was great too... it could of been better but i had an amazing time.
Now it just seems like i have nothing that i really want to do? i don't feel the need to do anything.. :/ I have no drive. But thats alright, i guess i am just really relaxed. I hope thats all it is.

Its amazing how one split second can have such a drastic effect on someone.
Karma karma karma, bitch.

Peace.

bitch gonna die.

The time for talking is over.
Now bring me my steak

Man is not a camel

la pizza.

Security is an illusion in life. It does not exist in mother nature and as humans we project this out into our lives to  keep them secure and safe... but this just takes away from what life really is... its a story book and who the fuck wants to read a book about some guy in a suit working from 9-5 every day?.

There are 3 stages of your life that are extremely important. There is birth and there is death. They are the most major happenings in your life and always will be. The third is about 0.001 seconds before you die, and its the moment where you reflect and read over everything you have written over the course of your life... its at that point where its decided if your life has been a complete waste of ink.

I'm not one to tell you how to live your life... but if you where ever to ask all i would say is make it an adventure. don't let things get in the way of the story. Go from town to town and rape and pillage your way through life, and then right at the end, jump out of a burning plane into a volcano. Make it worth while.

2 rounds and a sound.

But nothing happens every time..

Hello fiends,
For the past month or so, i have wasted my life away and i have a lot of encounters that have brought to light the many problems i have.

It sucks knowing you have a problem and not being able to do anything about it. But on the other hand.. its better then not knowing.
I have always been an optimistic and at the moment, that's all i have going for me. I want a few things back in my life right now, that i know i can't have. That's the worst of the lot, because it was my fault. my stupid mistakes that i can't get back.

There are other things that are coming up tho, that i am excited about and i guess they are life changing events. New people coming and going and adventures that will last a life time.


I am content on making history, because i have been doing it every day of my life. Feel free to grab my hand and come along.

Now she's having fun, Now she's loving life.

Stealing society.

I will be home later, and then i promise to blog immensely.

Just a stupid motherfucker, if i die, i die. 

I'm a midnight fist fight.

Merc.

'She use to be in love with me, but now i'm just a memory.'

Welcome home, Chris.
Had a kinda fucking annoying sat/sun and a wonderful Friday.

you know who you are.

Do what you want.

Being alive fucking sucks.

At best, we can make our dreams.

.

The problem with falling is you only end up falling faster and faster and sooner or later you are going to hit the ground.

Fuck.

Cause of death: Facebook.

I said i'll wait.
and i will.

Just tell me if i could be worth it.
Fucking fuck, you mother fucker!

4 words

Mule.

Miles Away
There's hopeless smiles brighter than mine
And I need for you to come and go
Without the truth falling out.

This girl is rather beautiful. I think its because she is not trying to be sexual or trying to grab my attention and that's hard to find. ( lol irony ) I listened to a podcast last night about the 'Wall St' issue, alongside many other things, and it really is just some down to earth, factual shit! They where talking about the re-occurring patterns in the economy had built up to this collapse and that the only people that are standing in the way of the protesters reclaiming the banks is the police. It a great listen and they really do speak the truth.

Another topic they talked about where drugs... Now this guy who runs, or leads, the podcast is a very highly respected TV host and comedian. He is a regular user of Weed and Psychedelics. He has the most firm grip of reality and how fucked up this world is than anyone i know. He talks about Weed, and how the American government spends millions each year on Drug bust and fines that are all Weed related... When there are over 40,000 deaths each year from smoking. There has never been a death from smoking too much weed, ever. The American government has classed this 'drug' a class A. Its alongside heroin and meth. This plant, aside from the medical advantages, is 4 times more more efficient then then lumber when it comes to fiber properties and for a tree to grow to the right size to be cut down and sent to the mill, it would take 12 years. For the Hemp plant to be at the same level, it would only take 6 months. and not to mention that this plant will grow in almost every weather condition and environment.  


40 years ago, a Professor at Austen University predicted that weed would be legal in the next 20 years. 


A plant that makes food taste better, makes sex feel better, makes movies better and makes you a laugh at your friends stupid faces, is just as bad as shooting heroin and snorting cocaine. 


I fucking hate this motherfucking world. So far fucked.
You, and me.. lets go, away from this mess and live our lives together. 


Oh, and the podcast is on iTunes too. Its called 'The Joe Rogan Experience'
Get on it.

It pays to be overrated.

As much as it hurts, it makes me happy to see.
maybe one day then.

Tune into.

Why the fuck would we expect anything smarter then us to treat us any different to the way we treat the smartest animals today?
We steal the babies of chimpanzees and dolphins and lock them in cages for our own amusement and then expect, if there are aliens, that they wouldn't do the same thing to us.

Its going to be so fucked when pornography companies can afford CGI.

Anoanimillion.

Finally.

So i had a 'productive' chat last night. it was good.
I just hope something comes of it.

Its all coming around and in great strides too, only yesterday i was thinking how good this would be.. and here it is. :)
Not much to complain about...

camping? i like it.

No bail.

Where do i start? 

It impossible for me to feel this right now, i am not allowed too. Its all wrong. 

Why fucking now.

I don't want you to disappear. 

Darkness comes, but you have a way like no other one.

A great man once said " There is no point going on and living my life when i hate who i am."

There is not point lying to myself if i want it so bad. 

i love you kiddo. 

SDRE

For my birthday, i would like some pizza and a few video games. 

A knife and a song.

They dumped her body into the molten lightFloated to the surface and it did not igniteShe rose up slowly and walked to the shoreShe stood up on the bank and whispered
I'll find you and i'll kill you.

They ran back into town and hid in the churchThey explained their situation and they feared for the worstThe priest told the brothers that she could not be killedShe flew out of the stone cold ground and

She'll find you and she'll kill you.

here was a knock at that door that shook through their heartsShe blew it right open and put it apartShe shot a string of flame from the center of her chestAs she watched their bodies burn she whispered
I found you and i killed you.

Hold on just a second.

Yeah, 18. 

White apple.

fuck me, i fucking hate this. And you aren't much better for me, dear blog. Always know how to let my thoughts get the better of me.

I buried a bone a long while ago.. and darling you don't know. I was a man who was made of change, now it feels like everything has stayed the same. You have a face like no other. In shadows, in dark, In cold winds.. open up your heart.

Its something about this music? i can't help but listen.

I'll wait for you, for ever.

It is time for a revolution of the heart.
I want you to start it.

I feel safe.
- I hope so.

Broken bells.

Don't quit till you're broke, don't stop till you die.

Wander aimlessly.

i had an amazing night, it was the best thing i have done in a very long time, and the company you keep makes it that much better.
I have to say i love my friends and without then i would be so far fucked. I enjoyed sitting on the street for a few hours waiting for the birthday boy and then the long walk back to what was an amazing finish to the end of the night.

People say, putting words into actions is difficult, but you don't notice that until you say it out loud. Nothing better then a midnight confession.

When will the keys to the kingdom be mine again.

the devil works quick.

It was just a little while past the Sunset StripThey found the girl’s body in an open pitHer mouth was sewn shut, but her eyes were still wideGazing through the fog to the other side
They booked me on a whim and threw me deep in jailWith no bail, sitting silent on a rusty pailJust gazing at the marks on the opposite wallRemembering the music of my lover’s call
So you make no mistakeI know just what it takesTo pull a man’s soul back from heaven’s gatesI’ve been wandering in the dark about as long as sinBut they say it’s never too late to start again
Oh when, oh whenWill the spirit come a-callin' for my soul to sendOh when, oh whenWill the keys to the kingdom be mine again?
It was dark as the grave, it was just about threeWhen the warden with his key came to set me freeThey gave me five dollars and a secondhand suitA pistol and a hat and a worn out flute
So I took a bus down to the Rio GrandeAnd I shot a man down on the edge of townThen I stole me a horse and I rode it aroundTil the sheriff pulled me in and sat me downHe said, you make no mistake
I know just what it takesTo pull a man’s soul back from heaven’s gatesI’ve been wandering in the dark about as long as sinBut they say it’s never too late to start again
Oh when, oh whenWill the spirit come a-callin' for my soul to sendOh when, Oh whenWill the keys to the kingdom be mine again?
Well the sheriff let me go with a knife and a songSo I took the first train up to OregonAnd I killed the first man that I came upon'Cause the devil works quick, you know it don’t take long
Then I went to the river for to take a swimYou know that black river water is as black as sinAnd I washed myself clean as a newborn babeAnd then I picked up a rock for to sharpen my blade
Oh when, oh whenWill the spirit come a calling for my soul to sendOh when, oh whenWill the keys to the kingdom be mine again?Oh when, oh whenWill that black river water wash me clean againOh when, oh whenWill the keys to the kingdom be mine again?

Blind pilot.

When i was only 17, i could here the angels whispering.

So i drove into the woods and started wandering

aimlessly about, until i heard my mothers shouting through the fog. 

It turned out to be the howling of the dog. 

Or a wolf to be exact, the sound sent shivers down my back

but i was drawn into the pack and

 before long they allowed me to join in and sing their song. 

Darling, you don't know.

Originals

I spend my days doing the things i do, i may not be helping anybody. or saving anyone's soul.
But i am saving me. i am finding things to save myself.

Find the things that save you.

Circles.

How will they just where to find, under this bridge i lie down.
See how they run, catch butterfly's.


Let me disappear with you.

Last man standing.

Love, Love me do.

Had a pretty good day again today, although in hindsight, i probably shouldn't of gone. 
"Something about the way you move has got me stuck on you. "

Looking forward to the weekend. and might i add, that i am going to buy more incense because i am so relaxed at this moment, i am afraid i might melt into my chair.
I have been neglecting you, dear blog. You might not know why and if so... i am sorry. but i feel as tho at this point, i can have you show all my feelings and other lame stuff to the world. I need my tough-guy shell to hide in for a while.

Don't you cry no more.
(Y)

Try to flex.

But that's just the life of an attention deficit disorder' sent to this earth just to shit you all. Fucking up for me was an everyday ritual.. nowadays im just drug ahbitual

Bonfire.

I see my breath like a ghost, too fragile to taste light.
Devine.
Lets get cold together.

You.

There's a place where everyone can be happy.
It's the most beautiful place in the whole fucking world.
It's made of candy canes and planes and bright red choo-choo trains,
And the meanest little boys and the most innocent little girls,
And you know I wish that I could got there.
It's a road that I have not found.
And I wish you the best of luck, dear.
Drop a card or letter to my side of town.
Because there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend,
But baby I'm amazed at the hate that you can send and
You... painted my entire world.
But I... don't have the turpentine to clean what you have soiled.
And I won't forget it.
There's a place where everyone can be right,
Even though you remain determined to be opposed.
Admittance requires no qualifications:
It's where everyone has been and where everybody goes.
So please try not to be impatient,
For we all hate standing in line.
And when the farm is good and bought, you'll be there without a thought,
And eternity, my friend, is a long fucking time.
Because there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend,
But baby I'm amazed at the hate that you can send and
You... painted my entire world.
But I... don't have the turpentine to clean what you have soiled.
And I won't forget it.

Love me when i am gone.

Somewhere in this darkness there is a light that i just can't find. Maybe its just too far away.

Dio.

I could of been a dreamer, because dreamers never die.
DMT.

fly away with me.

FtW

Hooligans

It would be expected, that a place that you need to make your life better, will in turn make it worse. That which starts bitter, ends sweet, and that which starts sweet, ends bitter. People make places, Or there lack of.

People and relationships are possibly the most important thing in this world to you. They fill our magazine racks and T.V screens with who is having who's baby and who is engaged to who. The hadron collider creates black holes. If the world where to fall into a black hole, you would be able to fit it, entirely on your thumb nail.

There are bigger things then you and me in this world.
But we can't help but think about ourselves.

1993 remastered.

Nobody's fault but mine.

Anarchists.

It makes me laugh when girls talk smack.

Hornet.

There is nothing new for me to post, i have nothing for you.
I am sorry to disappoint you. But feel free to tell me how you are any time soon.
I would love to see things go further.

Let's play.

Like a child girl.

But if you want to leave, take good care.

I hope you have a lot of nice things to wear. 

But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there. 

House of the holy.

Decisions that where made almost a life time ago have come to haunt me.
Changes are made, and you are the only one that stays the same,

You have lasted the test of time, and will forever. 

I feel like there is so much that i want to say and not anything special or exciting, i just want to converse and communicate. Its killing me, i put off talking to you. i can't. 

Its been a long time coming. 

Culture is your operating system.

When we take all our clothes off, we are not completely naked. Our culture is still shown on the outside.

People are forced down roads, we are told to believe in things and they will provide answers for us. Religion is the prime example. They give answers to big questions, but restrict us in what reality may actually be.
Eg: UFO's are ruled out in the catholic faith, because they do not comply to what is 'The word of the lord' But perhaps someone with a more open view towards the universe and its beings allow UFO's and things like that to be as real as anything else.

Culture is an operating system, our culture provides us, and supports us. It gives us directions and limitations. To advance ourselves and expand our development as humans, we have to shed our culture.

The most scariest thing i have ever experienced in my entire life,
1. Step out side.
2. Look straight up.
3. Realise there is no roof on this universe and you are standing in the dead center.

I have faith, because you can not sustain a lie that big forever.
FtW

Reach,

I am just trying to find some good in what i have done.
-Chris Hayes.

God Hand.

Personal preference is king.
There is nothing wrong with not liking something, just as long as you are not a complete fuck-wit about it. Now sadly, i myself have fallen guilty to this and understand that i have been extremely close minded about things... I will be the first to admit that, but no human is perfect and i will try my hardest to change that about myself.

Sorry about that, i have had a bit of time to think to myself and it has been bugging me. along with other stuff.
I have recently changed my URL, because it is fitting. It suits my situation and current status.. Although i wish it didn't.
People want things, and they usually want them there and then. That's just human instinct. But the powers at be, and the driving force behind those wants and desires can be altered and influenced... a good way to look at it, is reverse psychology. Telling people what they want to hear, making them change their mind and thus, effecting the decision.

The only down-fall is, you try to do too much, you end up being really messed in the head.

" Are you ok? "
- I am if you are.
" I don't know what i am "
- I am really fucked in the head
" You are, but you are one glorious head fuck "

Sink your teeth in, kitty.
FtW

IceQueen.

Lost in this world, with no way back. It feels too good to let your heart turn black.

Been a productive week, that's for sure.I have managed to become the laziest i have ever been in my life, and yet i feel alright. Is that bad? :/  It must be all the stress of school wearing off. -.-

Great news, System of a down are headlining the Soundwave festival in 2012. :) going to be killer.
Not much to Blog about, as i have not been doing anything. but only 41 days and 23 hours to go. (L) It will be the single most greatest feeling of my life to date. Fuck.

No good deed goes un-punished. Be my

FtW

Something, maybe.

When i am really bored i ... Lay down and thing for a while until i fail into a semi hypnotic state of sub-consciousness, some call it daydreaming, some call it spacing the fuck out. But i feel like i'm not here and it doesn't matter because i'm sick of putting myself in boring situations and conversations, just every day basic sitcom happenings, some call it thinking but when i'm in this particular state of mind i forget to thing and it becomes strictly observatory. I notice things very sensitively, like if i focus really hard i can see small transparent blotches of debris on the outer shell of my eyes ( or the conjunctiva ) and can only follow it as my eye moves downward. Its like watching film footage of amoeba or jelly like plankton under a microscope and when i close my eyes and look up too the sun , the bright orange redness radiates an intense picture of blood cells or what i think are blood cells and the are moving very rapidly and again i can only focus for so long before my eyes strain and i have to look away from the sun into a pillow and rub my eyes hard then i see tiny spheres of sparkling light which only stay for a second then as my eyes focus..

Kurt.

Fuck It.

†

Ride today, for tomorrow we die.
Save water, drink beer.

FtW

From the heart.

It happened again tonight.
Never opened myself this way.

(L)

This way.

I would only ask the lest of you, and be happy. But that is still to much.
You were too good for us. Once.

And nothing else matters.

(L)
FtW

The darkk night.

Its that point, that moment... and it feels like your world is coming down around your ears.
Its beautiful.


I have been trying to avoid the situation and try to ignore it for almost 3 days now... but considering my busy days, its all i have had on my mind. you.
Sadly, you missed out and so did i. I wish you could of been there, i just know you would of had a great time.


Batman is the grunge superhero.
Lounge act.

Fuck.

Its you.

Not believing in the fucking devil, wont protect you from him.
You have all the weapons you need, now stand and fight.
Re-post.

FtW

My world.

Its amazing just how important someone can become without you even realising.
Almost as if you didn't want to, but in the end its just not possible. I hope you realise.

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart,
Forever trusting who we are.
And nothing else matters.

FtW

Mr. Krinkle

Say baby do you want to lay down with me,
say baby do you want to lay down by my side.
baby do you want to lay down with me,
say baby!

Tommy the cat.

FtW

Earth under siege.

I'm not even going to ask. you.

FtW

Between a rock and a hard place.

I want another change.
and should i fall from grace, here with you,
Would you leave me too.

To late to turn back now, we are running out of sound.
and if we died right now, that fool you loved some how...

is right here.

Collingwood till i die.

FtW

Everyone.

I tried to stay away from you, and i can't. but here we are.. its not random.
You feel it right? I really want to fucking kiss you, but i cant.

- Then why are you mind fucking me?!

Don't, i'm just as fucked in the head as you are.

(L)

Organizized.

Hello blog, its been a while. :) sorry.

Ahh, so tomorrow is game day for the good old collingwood. And it should be a great day, a few cold beers with the boys, and then a nice night with everyone. :) can't wait. Just need to get myself organised.

Lets be honest tho, i am never organised for anything, so why change now haha. Actually i was talking to someone about that last night and they where just as un-organised as me, but they had it all worked out :) organised mess.

Emptiness is loneliness, loneliness is cleanliness, cleanliness is God,  and god is empty. Just like me.

Xo.

is a sick bitch.

FtW.

Rooster teeth.

always " Only one more act "

FtW

There is nothing in it, and you have lost yourself.

What do i need to say, some things just are, what they are? some things may be somewhere and that in-turn means that they are not someplace else. Which would mean that they must be not there for a reason? Its easy, its fate. It is, what it is. and that's how its always going to be.

It will never be cause,
It will always be effect.

This is why i do the things that i do, this is why i am who i am, and who i always will be.
This is why you do the things you do, this is why you are, who you are, and who you will always be.

FtW

Gallows.

Misery is my only friend,
She is a cold fucking slut,
But she is not the end.

1430.

Some things are ok. yes?
Had a good night last night, got quite drunk and lost my underwear. lol. I love my friends.

There will be tears tonight, there is no doubt about it. And it is sad, i will miss a lot of great people and hopefully keep in contact will most of them. Everything is almost complete. Almost.

good-bye my lover.

FtW.

Santa.

Urgh, so its coming to an end. The school in which i have been trapped has decided to let me go. and its weird.. I think they call it Stockholm syndrome.

Its not warm when she's away. 

FtW

Without you.

I have waited all my life to meet you and, chances are, you will just walk on by.

Tequila is the only alcohol that is not a depressant, there for, i shall call you Tequila.
And everything was right in the world.

Not much is new. It is the last week of school, ever, and its a bit of a good feeling i guess. I love my friends.
but i can't help to think what is going to happen after? who will stick around and who will disappear. Its ok, i have be re-igniting old friend ships with people i miss a lot. And that's good i guess, its kinda like, i am finding new friends that i know i will like. and this isn't to say that they haven't changed... of course they have, i just feel more comfortable.

Sometimes when i read other peoples blogs ( not very often, apart from one or two.) It sounds like that the only thing that is happening in their life at the moment is them. I know i blog about myself almost 99% of the time, but that's because i feel like its not appropriate to share what i think about other people. I have worked out why this stupid blog is getting so boring. Its because I am stuck in the cycle of non eventfulness and i decide that i might blog about how sad i am or whatever it is... No more. ( lol.. i say that now. It wont last ) I will endeavor to blog about things, not people, that are important and interesting to me.. Because i don't care about what you think is interesting. I like grog, and isn't it interesting? ^  Hmm?

"Like the sun through the trees on a cloudy day"

Thank-you.

Today, is the greatest day i have ever know.

So, as it turns out. This will be the very last Monday morning i have to drag myself out of bed for.
I don't know how i feel about that. Its good, and its bad. more good i think.. :D haha No Ipod today. Its going to suck balls.

"Warmness of the soul" (L)

FtW

The best of.

I'm just another body down
Internal bleeding round and round
And all can think of are ways to die alone
And all can think of are ways to die alone

A portrait of my skeletal gain
Left selfish and hungry so feed me the pain
Escape reality with new pain
Then let the cycle start again

And all can think of are ways to die alone
And all can think of are ways to die alone
Dream of content a pain filtered farm
All I can say

Dreams are bad when all they do is leave the truth behind
Dreams are bad when negativity's a state of mind

Dreams are bad when all they do is leave the truth behind
Dreams are bad


Untitled. Reminds me of Cassie.FtW.

Keep talking, because its true.

Lets start a revolution.
Lets bring back something new.

<3 Throw the sailors overboard.

FtW.

M.I.A

Dear stalker.

I know who you are,
I know where you live
And i know your name.

I know your perfume,
I know what you will have for lunch,
And i know what you will choose to wear tomorrow.

You are busy watching me; watching you.
FtW

Tommy and Krista.

Really kinda explains my situation at the moment, and i fucking hate it. Its like people write music, knowing that i will listen to it and it will leave me felling like this. I really wish it was as easy as it was back in the day, and i could just say these things. but its not and i will have to find some way to deal with it. I guess there isn't much point anyways because we will only have a few months together and that not fair.

Now i am just a memory.

Fuck the world, Like 2-Pac. 

I'll always remember you.

I feel like Sid.

FtW.

Classical Gass

Please don't look at me with those eyes.

So today i was sitting around, listing to music, and it occurred to me that we are not put on this earth for a reason, or purpose. Its all chance, and random things that bounce around the universe and end up influencing our lives, or something like that.

It has led me to understand why my life is so dull, and so boring now... Its because i have everything planed out, and being organised. I need mayhem and chaos it keep me entertained and lively. But then again, nothing has really changed from my day to day cycle, perhaps everything has just become a norm. All the random things that i would normally do during the day or the lack of attention in class / distractions has become normal.

I don't know. If you do, please tell me. Please.

To die young is far to boring these days.

FtW

Killed by an angel.

One giant fucking cycle.

I can't escape it anymore, its like its consuming me.
And the only thing i can do is use music to disappear.

I had an 8hour shift today, and surprisingly it was good. I had more time to myself, which is exactly what i need right now, and i managed to get somethings in-line and ordered... Lol jks.

I am in love with a girl, and...

                                                     she doesn't exist.

So life will continue and i will soldier on, but things will change, and i fucking hope they do soon.

Standing by for the very next installment of this extremely pointless and boring blog. 

"Things have got so bad between us, i don't ever see us being together ever again"

FtW.

Imma sing for you.

Yeah. schoolies is paid. and i don't even feel poor.

Mother, please forgive me.
I just had to get out all that pain inside me.
Now that i'm undone,
Remember that i will always love you.

So i am pretty sure that only 3-4 people read my blog. Actually, no... Thanks to the status option in the settings, i know that only 3-4 people read it. I love you guys.

Yeah, so nothing really interesting is happening in my life, ( WOW, that's news! ) but considering i am in an ok mood, i shall tell you about the short list of things that will be happening in the next few days.
1. Tomorrow i get to play in front of the school, (Y) weew!
2. Saturday i have a 7 hour shift, $$$.
3. Sunday i have a music day with the music kids, and we will be playing music! :)
4. My last Monday for the rest of my school life.
5. Inbox/Talk to her sometime ( transformers. )

That is all for now.

FtW

FF

There a things i want to say.
There are people i want to tell.
There are a lot of things i want to change.

There is only one person.
There was.

I had a short novel written out, and it was a tad confronting. While i was typing it out and saying it in my head i thought it sounded fine, and it would be all cool. But then when i read back over it, i couldn't believe it.
It only takes one good hard look at yourself. Too little to late. (L)

FtW. Crave you. <3

The Well.

Fuck.

x100.

:/
i promise i will blog better when i get home. Honest.

FtW

Jal.

I want one, even if its messy and complex. I just want one.

I want you.

FtW

Never Happened.

Truth is, i'm happy. I'm happy the same way i was happy this time last year, and i am happy the same way i was this time last night. Which isn't very happy at all. And there are only a few things that are keeping me going. One of which i find myself saying more and more every day is " If it wasn't for me, there wouldn't be him " And i guess its both good and bad. Good in a sense that someone else is happy due to the un-happiness i brought to them. Bad that, that's what it has taken to make them happy.

God damn, i am so sad. I blame it all on Sunday Night Depression.

Whats ahead of me this week? Well lets see, i have work.. which isn't too bad now. i just wish i was working with my mates. I have tafe on Wednesday, which i always hate, but when i get there its not that bad. I have another Saturday night, on which everyone of my friends will be going out to drink on the town, and myself, the under-ager, will have to just hang with myself. Cool!

As you can see, my life is full of amazing and exciting things at the moment, and to top it all off, the infamous 'Cute girl' is yet to arrive on the scene. So.. it looks like a grim week for myself and a lot of metal to be listened to.

I hope this is enough, dear stalker.

FtW

P.S - 2 is company, 3 is a crowd. 4 is just plain greedy.

Happiness loves company.

Everything in this life is subject to interpretation. We let everything that happens effect us, and then from that we draw conclusions. They become our thoughts which in turn lead to shaping our personality.
So with this said, just have a think about all the things you love, all the things you hate, and then have a look at the kind of person you are. Hopefully, with any luck, they all add up and you are a complete individual.
If not, well perhaps try letting yourself open to new things. that may help.

Death. Its the one thing that we all have in common. It happens all day, everyday. FACT.
Death. Its the end of everything that will ever happen and everything will cease to matter. FICTION.

The end of everything that ever matters can happen while you are still alive and breathing... This is worse then death.

I'm ready.
FtW

Diary.

Your eyes are the reason they call it 'tinsel-town'.

Ah so exams are over, and i am ready to turn 18 and go to schoolies...
Oh wait! still got 20 days of school left. :/ ah wells.

Would not mind a cute girl, just to hang out with? have a chat, just talk and shit.. Maybe listen to some music and watch a few movies? Perhaps a night in, and enjoy each others company and maybe have a little feast of burger rings and coffee. Hold hand for a second.. maybe.
Just a little kiss? hahaha. im kidding.. Cute girl, if you would be so kind. Hurry the fuck up. (L)
Bring a guitar and video games too.

"Refuse to follow the rules of fashion"
FtW

No.1

The importance of a life filled with toast.

If the world i live in was made of butter, You would be my toast. Every morning i would wake up and the house i live in would be engulfed in the sweet smell of which i love.Together we would be complete,Nothing need be added to our lives to make them any more perfect then they already are.

The strawberry jam would look on in envy and start rumors about us, But this wouldn't hinder our relationship, we are right for each other and without you Emerying in the world would be rendered useless, Left in the fridge to go out of date.

Together we will fuck the world.

Away from my lover.

An overwhelming sensation that i am in over my head. That i am meant to be doing something.. not physically but more like... socially and emotionally.
I don't even know. Sometimes i try and it pays off, other times i try and it just ends in disappointment.. And i am sure that if you read this, then you will know the feeling and it will feel like the same old bullshit that everyone talks about, especially now around exam time. but when i started to write this, it wasn't with the intention of exams in mind. It was more to do with people and how fucked up 'we' are. I know, its the pot calling the kettle black, but its just something that i can not shake. its something that's been bugging me for ages and i cant seem to understand it..

'Soon we'll be found.'
Let's fucking hope so, i'm sick of being alone.

Isn't an amazing feeling when you relies something that you thought was so utterly different and unique was copied from something else. Poor Sia.

FtW

Through these days.

Yeah so i should be studying right about now, i have trials over the next 2 weeks, but i really cant be fucked. Its not that i want to do bad, its just that i can't find the drive to sit and to school on a rainy Sunday arvo. :/

Annoyed because there are too many voices in your head, and you are all by yourself?
Try feeling alone in a crowded room.

Nothing is new, which is the same thing i blog about every time. sorry about that. ha.

Shortest relationship of my life...Old news now.. but i have worked out that i shouldn't let my emotions get the better of me while i am drinking. It just ends in awkward situations and a lot of questions to be asked in the morning.
For now, i shall only have my one true lady. She will never leave me. mel (L)

yeah well that's cool. i didn't really feel like i had to share that with anyone, or needed to vent it ... but i felt like i was neglecting my blog and i don't want that.

FtW

No more.

Found myself just the other day
In the backyard of a friends place,
Thinkin' about you,
Thinkin' of the crowd you're in,
What you up too where you been?
(Just thinkin')

And all the clothes that you wear,
And the colors in your hair
Shouldn't change you
Now you tell me why it's so
You bigger than mighty Joe,
(At lest you think so)

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down,
Plant your feet back on the ground

Throw my smoke down on the ground,
Turn my head and I heard the sound,
(That reminded me)
Of the days so young and sweet
Always so much fun to meet
(At lest I thought so)

Now you think your so damn fine

You can rule the world no not mine,
I don't think so

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care

Now the scene that you're in,
And the people that you been with
Just get to me,
But you think I'm not as cool,
As you are so beautiful
Well who you fooling?

Well I'm here to tell you babe
The game your in is just a game
So damn pretentious

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down,
Plant your feet back on the ground

You think you're so beautiful
(So beautiful)


I actually stopped dead in my tracks when this played.
I can't hide you in my head.

time to turn.

Whoops.





FtW

Turn away.

I guess i was looking for the words to say what happened. But i can't.. it was weird, and it only lasted a second. but it was comforting. it was a warm feeling and a sad depressing feel at the same time.

Why did you do this to me now.

I talk in circles.

Party this weekend... looking forward to it so so so bad! I am going to be one almighty drunken mess. Can't wait. School is back underway and i am actually doing something.

nothing.

Schoolies (L)
FtW

Dreaming.

Its that one moment when you relies that everything you ever loved, 

or anything you ever thought mattered, all just

 became nothing in this forever expanding universe. 

Back to school, back to life. Same shit i guess. nothing is changing for me.. I mean ever tues and thurs its the same thing.. Its ok sometimes. But at the end of the day i don't feel like i have done anything with the day. 

Shut up.

Universally Speaking.

FtW.

So high life.

Fuck it, there is no point. I have watched people get into and out of relationships and they are all ending much too soon for me. This is not me saying i'm going to a party to fuck around.. no way. Its me saying i'm going to keep to myself and make it count. You might look at it, as if to say that i am only taking those relationships into account and that's whats its going to be for me... But that's not the only thing... Recently a girl and a guy broke up and they where the couple that i have seen together forever. There are those ones that you just can't see with anyone else, and will be there forever, Yeah well this one ended the other day.. And its just too much. I wan't the next one to be like that, and i don't want to be that guy at the end of it... :/ Now is not the right time to be getting into that kind of thing.. it would only end in heart-ache.

Fuck.

My.

Life.


FtW

Best things in your life.

Ok, fuck i am sorry, but i am starting to fucking loath this Harry Potter bullshit.

Too much! Ok i get it, its over... great.. if you want to fucking keep living in the world of magic, go fucking read the books again, or watch the fucking movies.. God damn.

In other news, there is none.

I want to get messy pretty quick.. someone help me... anyone?

No real news on the girl front, just the same old shit.. Fling here, Fling there.

Looking forward to music this semester.. its should be a whole lot of fun! :) ha

"Tonight might be the night i make it, so lets live it up and not regret it at all."

FtW

To much to say!

Don't do this, not now.

When people ask you questions, they words they use can either be extremely important or just a means to a cause. They could just be talking to you, too see how you talk back. And thats where conversations get tricky. Especially ones with people asking rather important questions.

I just saw Lynsey loan's tits. (Y)

ah well, at least i have memories.

FtW

Parikly Roc

Yeah so its the same old bullshit. Holidays are fucking me over and i am not sleeping, once again

Got me thinking back to last time this happened and i made a fuck-wit of myself for 3 months. :/
none of that.

FUCK! i cant help it sometimes.. i have done well tho.

Nothing is new, apart from everything.
because everything is forever changing,
And that's exciting enough to keep me alive.

I want that girl, but fuck making the moves. I don't care what people say. I will wait and if she wants it as bad as i do, then she will let me know. If not, i didn't just let opportunities pass me by. It was because i let life take its course and if it was meant to be, and she was the girl i hoped she was, she would of done something.


But enough.
Time to sit back an enjoy some human mutilation.

"How will the know just where to find?, under this bridge is where i lie down"

FuckTheWorld

Pillars.

but you were always one to stay the same girl
I know you want to be the rain
and I know that we would fall in there
for a time and then unfall again
for awhile I take you burying old bones
dawns grey the sign in the winter light
and I know that you can feel the pain
your eyes speak one hundred million knives
don't tell me you've gone astray
I walk in circles
I've seen a million things that tell me so
but I was always one to play the fool girl
though the rules were somewhat dark to me
and I know that we could fall in there
for a time and then unfall again
for a while I give you darium bound stones
growing through the roots of your mind to set apart
and I know that you can feel the pain
your eyes speak one hundred million lies
total anxiety pay for variety
we'll want for time to turn around your faith
wait for time in turn
the world we sold there was a choir there
don't tell me you've gone astray
I talk in circles
everlasting chains that bind my purpose
only I've seen the million things that tell me so
total anxiety pay for variety
wait for time to turn around your faith
choked on society laced with cyanide
wait for time to turn around your faithwait for time to turn

Another sunny day. 

Ftw.